


Crazy in Love

by Jwink85



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Crushes, F/M, Puppy Love, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 14:03:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jwink85/pseuds/Jwink85
Summary: Kyle pines for Heidi, Heidi can't let go of Cartman, and the rest of the 4th grade is just along for the ride. Insanity ensues when everyone gets tangled up in each other's business.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this bc I really enjoy seeing the characters bounce off of one another...especially the guys bc they're all so ridiculous and cute and clueless.
> 
> Also, I started writing this before the end of the latest season (clearly) so, yeah, take my interpretation w/ a grain of salt, lmao. xD

"Why can't you accept that this is not going to end the way you want it to, dude? Why can't you just stay out of this, all of this?"

Stan looked over from his phone to see Kyle gazing forlornly out the window. Early November sunlight fell over his face and reflected off his auburn hair, his hat resting forgotten on the bed.

"Because I care about her, Stan. Can't you see that? And can't you see how awful Cartman is to her, filling her head with lies and bullshit?" He ran a hand through his curls. "You should've heard the crap she was saying...it was like she was channeling Cartman or something. It was creepy."

Stan continued scrolling on his phone but glanced at Kyle again. He looked so lost. A twinge of concern coupled with annoyance tugged at him. "Don't you think it's pretty messed up that she bought his crap so easily? I mean, Heidi seems like a smart girl, she has to be just as screwed up as Cartman if she fell for his lies so easily. I'd just walk away from this one, dude. It never pays to get involved in other people's toxic relationships."

Kyle sighed. "I know that, Stan. But what kind of person would I be if I saw someone being mistreated and just looked the other way? That would make me just as terrible as cartman!"

"So what if it does? You're constantly trying to stop cartman from being awful and what good does it do? You just keep making yourself miserable, and besides, what do you even like about Heidi? You barely know her and here you are sticking your neck out for her. What is your real motivation here?"

"Lay off, Stan. I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay?" Kyle stood up and grabbed his hat. "Look, I have to go. I'll call you later."

Stan watched him leave, feeling concerned. He knew from experience that this whole shit show wasn't over, not by a long shot.

*****

Heidi lay on her bed in the gathering darkness, her phone vibrating with yet another call she had no intention of answering. It had been a month since she'd taken Eric back, and like clockwork, he had gone back to his old ways. Fool that she was, she had actually thought that things would change but they were the same, if not worse.

Rolling over, she looked at her phone, at Eric's face illuminated on the screen, call after call after call... just one right after the other, an onslaught of texts blowing up her phone.

Ignoring the call, yet again, Heidi waited for the vibrating to stop, picked up her phone, and checked her messages. As expected, there were 20 from Eric, alternating between begging her to talk to him and calling her nasty names, and a few from her friends inviting her to go out. Against her better judgment, she almost hoped to see a text from Kyle, but he had not spoken to her since the night she took Eric back. She had noticed him looking at her from afar, but he hadn't approached her at all.

But that was crazy... Kyle was manipulative and cruel, right? That's what Eric had said, anyway, and really, he didn't have any reason to lie to her, right? Kyle had swooped in when she was at her most vulnerable and twisted her thoughts around, made her question everything, made her second guess herself.

She shook her head, trying to clear these thoughts from her head, wanting to forget the last couple of months, yearning to go back to when things with Eric were new and healthy. At this point, she could barely remember what the beginning was like, but she missed those days so much she could barely stand it.

"I have to get out of here," she said to the empty room, sitting up and looking out the window, the sun sinking low beyond the mountains. Suddenly she needed to be walking, away from this room and these memories. She stood up and rushed out of the door, down the stairs and out of her house, ignoring her mother's questions regarding where she was going.

The wintry nip in the air took her by surprise and she stopped to zip her coat up all the way. She pulled her hat down over her ears and started to walk quickly, not sure of where she was going but only knowing that she needed to exhaust herself so her brain would shut up. Instinctively, she walked in the opposite direction of Eric's house, not wanting to run into him and listen to him whine and curse her out in the same breath.

In the gathering dusk, tiny flecks of snow could be seen whirling in the glow of the streetlights, and far away in the purple gloom stars winked to life, sparkling like ornaments. Heidi walked, her head down, deep in thought and trying to ignore the chill creeping under her coat. Vaguely, she realized she was very close to the park, and someone was there, shooting baskets all alone.

She stopped in her tracks when she saw who it was, and stepped behind some bushes praying she hadn't already been noticed. It was said that it was a small world, but south park felt like it was getting smaller everyday.

******

The temperature was dropping as night fell but Kyle didn't want to go home yet. He didn't want to face his family or his empty room, he didn't want to dwell on his thoughts or his regrets. He just wanted to forget the last couple of months but he knew that wasn't an option. The only thing he could do was keep moving and try to put Heidi and Cartman and all of their bullshit out of his mind, which was proving to be impossible.

His breath came in icy puffs as he threw one basket after another, missing more than he made but not caring. The clouds seemed to be catching fire as the sun slid toward the horizon, and he could see the snowflakes begin to fall. Still, he kept playing, focusing on the ball in his hands and the basket at the end of the court.

He was going in for a layup when a flash of movement caught his eye, just off the court. Figuring it was some transient hobo, Kyle was quick to disregard the sudden interloper when he caught sight of a familiar flower on a well known hat. Heidi. What the hell was she doing here? Kyle supposed it was a free country but Jesus, her showing up now was really going to throw a wrench in his attempts to forget her. He continued to throw baskets, half-heartedly now but determined to try and keep his emotions and his dignity intact.

Jesus! Now she's hiding behind some bushes, he thought, feeling annoyed and weirdly elated at the same time. He couldn't deny his attraction for her, but the fact that she was so easily manipulated by Cartman was extremely disconcerting.

Finally, he couldn't stand her hiding in the bushes any longer, and stopped dribbling the ball, standing still and silent in the middle of the court. The sun was completely gone now, and the stars and snow seemed to be mixing together, dazzling his eyes. He felt completely ridiculous and at a loss.

"Heidi, I know you're there. Can you please come out so I can talk to you? This is ridiculous."

********

Heidi's heart lurched when she heard Kyle call out to her. So much for trying to be inconspicuous. Reluctantly, she emerged from the bushes where she'd been watching him run up and down the court, seemingly with an endless supply of energy.

She walked slowly to the court, where Kyle stood under the lights, a basketball resting idly in his hands and snow swirling around him. He seemed to be watching her wearily as she approached, and she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.

What could she possibly say to him? What did she even have to say to him? She'd been avoiding him for weeks and the rift between them was significant, practically impossible to traverse at this point. All she could do was stand there, hating the silence but letting it stretch on for what felt like hours.

"Hey," Kyle said, finally breaking the silence.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just taking a walk, trying to clear my head, I guess."

"Oh." He looked around. "Where's Cartman?"

"At home, probably. Why does that matter?" She snapped, feeling annoyed.

Kyle shrugged and started dribbling the ball. "I just figured I'd ask. I really don't feel like dealing with him right now... or ever, really."

"Well, he's not here so you can relax, okay?"

"Okay, okay. Jesus, calm down." He threw the ball towards the hoop and missed horribly. "Why do you need to clear your head, anyway. I thought everything was fine since you guys made up."

She snorted. "This is so like you, Kyle. There you go twisting my words to make them negative, to make them about Eric when he has nothing to do with this. I should've expected this from..." she trailed off, not sure how to finish.

Kyle bristled. "Expected this from what? A dirty Jew? Is that what you mean? If so, go ahead and say it."

"What are you even talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. The night you broke up with me you sounded just like Cartman. He filled your head with his disgusting opinions and you just adopted them as your own. How could you fall for his hateful crap? I thought you were smarter than that, I really did."

Heidi could feel her cheeks heating up with fury and, what? Shame? Embarrassment? "What do you even know about me, Kyle? Honestly? Are you really mad about me getting back with Eric or are you bothered that I won't let you be my knight in shining armor? Guys like you always have to have a cause but I don't want to be your next crusade, okay?"

She could see that her words hurt him but she didn't care. She was tired of guys telling her how to feel, that her thoughts were wrong or telling her what her own motivations were. Kyle dragged a hand across his eyes and gazed at her, his green eyes bright.

"I didn't want to make you my cause, Heidi. I wanted to help you because I thought you were being hurt, and I know better than anyone what it's like to be hurt by Eric cartman. I don't want to control you the way he does, I just want to be there for you."

She could feel herself softening but she still felt angry, whether it was at Kyle or Eric or herself, she wasn't sure.

"Well, that still doesn't mean that you want to be with me, Kyle. I'm not going to be with you just because you've been victimized by Eric. That can't be the basis for our relationship... it's sick, don't you see that? Besides, what has he really done to you? You said yourself that people like to play the victims sometimes even when they don't have the right to, are you sure you aren't doing that right now?"

Kyle didn't answer her and a lingering silence settled over the moment. Instead, he jogged to where the ball was and picked it up. Walking over, he threw the ball at her and even though he'd taken her by surprise, she caught it. She looked at him, her eyes wide.

"What are you doing?"

"I came here to play, not talk. Want to play one on one?" He smiled, his eyes still looking slightly bright, like there were tears there he wasn't going to shed in front of her.

She smirked. "Sure, but don't get mad when I kick your butt." Without another word, she dribbled towards the net, Kyle in hot pursuit. She faked him out and hooked the ball neatly into the net.

*****

What was he even doing right now? Playing one on one with a girl he actually really cared about even after she said such hurtful things? This was crazy, and yet....

Was she right? Was he drawn to her because they had both been hurt by Cartman? That couldn't be true. And if it were, was that a bad thing? He felt even more confused now, and Heidi was seriously kicking his ass at one on one while his head was filled with conflicting thoughts. Kyle couldn't help it, he could feel his heart pounding not just from the exercise, but from being close to her again.

If only....

 


	2. Chapter 2

He'd been calling her for hours and sending her text after text. Where was she and why was she ignoring him? They hadn't even really had a fight so much as a disagreement, so why was she treating him like this? God, she fucking drove him crazy!

He paced in his room, feeling restless and angry, alternating between calling her and leaving her frantic voicemails and staring out the window as snow fell steadily in sugary drifts. Through the clouds he saw glimmers of the moon peeking through.

He rang her phone again, growing increasingly angry when it went to voicemail. "Listen, Heidi. I've had enough of your shit, you better pick up your goddamn phone, now!" He paused and there was an abrupt change in his demeanor. "Heidi, please, you need to pick up, I can't live without you. I NEED YOU."

"Eric, what are you doing in here? Dinner's ready, now come to the table before the meatloaf gets cold." His mother stood in the doorway, staring at him. "And leave your phone in here. I'm tired of you texting during dinner."

"But, mom, I'm having a crisis. Don't you even care?" Cartman whined, clutching his phone like it was a lifeline.

Mrs. Cartman just continued to stare at him, nonplussed. "Wash up and come downstairs, hon." She left, closing his door with a snap.

He stared at the door and seethed. It seemed like no matter what he did there was a woman nagging at him or ordering him around, or just flat-out ignoring him and for what? So he told Heidi she looked chubby in her new coat. It was true; she DID look chubby. Sure, she'd eventually caught on that the food he was giving her wasn't vegan and stopped accepting it, but she still had a couple pounds to lose. He was only trying to keep her aware, Jesus Christ.

"I've had it up to here with chicks," he said, throwing his phone on the bed and pulling on his coat and hat. "I need to get the hell out of here."

He went downstairs, sat at the table, scarfed down some dry-ass meatloaf, and told his mom he was going for a walk.

"It's kind of late, hon, and it's snowing. I'd prefer that you stayed home."

He pulled on his gloves and glared at her. "I'll be 15 minutes, tops. I have to go to Kenny's and get something back that he borrowed from me. That poor piece of crap would just keep all my stuff if I let him."

"Well, okay. Get what you need and come straight home. It's a school night, Eric."

"Yeah, yeah."

Walking out into the evening, cartman could feel his agitation rising. There'd been plenty of times that Heidi had ignored his calls, but this was the first time it'd happened since she'd been seduced by that covetous Jew and he'd had to set her straight. Ever since then he'd felt more obsessive and paranoid than ever. Sure, he'd been able to convince her of Kyle's true nature, but her betrayl was still fresh in his mind.

"You mean, Kyle was conning me? He didn't mean anything he said...It was all a lie?" She'd asked, her eyes watering.

"I'm afraid so, babe. That's what his kind does. They manage to twist the truth in their own way, clouding the mind of the innocent with lies and bullcrap. I mean, he was the ringleader behind destroying all my stuff...he planned it out and got other people to follow him, even though I was innocent. Do you think a good person does that?"

"Well, no. I guess not. But he seemed so sincere, how could I have trusted him? I'm so stupid."

He had gathered her in his arms then, relishing the knowledge that he had swayed her so easily, and that he'd be able to push her return to him in Kyle's face soon enough.

"You're not stupid, babe. He just took advantage of you in order to get to me. He's always wanted what I have, so of course he'd try to take you. I mean, you are the most important thing in the world to me..."

She pulled away, and looked into his eyes, cheeks flushed pink. "I am?"

"Of course you are. Come here."

They had hugged then, sealing the deal of her continued devotion to him. All the while he was laughing on the inside, anticipating Kyle's misery at his triumph. This turn of events was too sweet for words.

He actually managed a smile at the memory, until he heard laughter in the distance coming from the basketball court. Those voices sounded so familiar. Hurrying now, he rushed over to the park and came upon a sight that stopped him dead in his tracks, mind awash with fury.

There was Heidi and Kyle, playing basketball, laughing and cavorting like they didn't have a goddamn care in the world. Heidi looked resplendent, her cheeks red and her long hair tied back so it wouldn't get in her way. Kyle was getting his ass handed to him but he looked so happy it made cartman feel nauseous.

"What the actual fuck, you guys?! Are you fucking kidding me right now?" He yelled, coming over to them and smacking the ball out of Kyle's hands. He glared at Heidi and she cringed, all of the mirth fading from her face.

"Eric, listen-," she started to say, but cartman didn't give her a chance to go on.

"No, you listen! What the fuck are you doing with- with this Jew? How could you do this? Here you are ignoring my calls - again - and I find you here, fucking around with this snake in the grass? You lying who-"

"You need to back the fuck off, cartman. Or you'll regret it, I swear to God." Kyle stepped forward, getting in between an infuriated cartman and a speechless, cowering Heidi. "I've had enough of you treating Heidi like crap. This needs to stop, now!"

Heidi reached out and laid a hand on Kyle's shoulder, surprising him and making cartman's eyes practically pop out of his head. "It's okay, Kyle. You just don't understand. I'm at fault here."

Kyle just stared at her. "Wait, what? Are you serious? Dude, your boyfriend was just about to call you a whore and you're the one at fault? Have you lost your mind?"

She looked at cartman, her eyes softening and her bottom lip trembling slightly. "I was ignoring Eric's calls and instead of working things out with him I avoided dealing with the situation. That isn't right. I'm so sorry, Eric. I'm going to work harder on communicating with you, even when I'm hurt."

Cartman smirked. He flashed a smug smile at Kyle and reached out to take heidi's hand. "Aww, babe. I mean, I'm glad you're out here exercising so you won't look so chubby in your new coat, but we talked about you know who. You know he can't be trusted."

She glanced at Kyle, suddenly looking so guilty. "I know, honey. I guess I just wasn't thinking."

"That's okay, sweetie. I'll do the thinking for both of us from now on. You don't need to worry. Now come on, you can buy me a hot chocolate on the way home."

They started to walk away when cartman looked back at Kyle. He walked over and picked up his basketball, and in a surprisingly smooth motion he threw the ball over Kyle's head into the busy road beyond the park. A large truck drove over it, flattening the ball into an unrecognizable mess.

Heidi held cartman's arm as they strolled away, leaving Kyle alone with the snow swirling around him and staring at the tattered remains of his basketball.

******

"So, she's nuts. Are you really surprised? She's dating cartman. Of course she has a screw loose, dude. Just forget about it already."

Kyle slammed his milk carton down and glared at Stan. "Stan, she isn't nuts. She's being manipulated and controlled by cartman. She's being brainwashed into thinking the way he treats her is okay, that she deserves it, even! It isn't right!"

"If she's okay with it, isn't that all that should matter? If she doesn't want your help and you keep butting in, aren't you kind of stepping all over her feelings like cartman does?" Stan dipped a French fry in some ketchup, looking expectantly at Kyle for an answer.

"At least I realize she even has feelings," Kyle muttered.

"Yeah, but do you care about them?" Wendy asked, setting her tray down next to Stan's and taking a seat.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, don't get defensive, Kyle. It's just a question. I'm just wondering if you actually care about Heidi or getting back at cartman for his many, many transgressions." She took a sip of juice, her face thoughtful.

"I don't know why it's so hard to accept that I genuinely care about Heidi! Why does everyone assume that I'm just trying to get back at cartman for being a horrible shit bag of a human being!"

"Well, you guys have been mortal enemies for what feels like 20 years at this point, and in that span of time I've seen you be interested in maybe 2 girls, at most. It's just weird that cartman starts dating someone and all of a sudden you have feelings for her. It's bizarre, is all," Stan remarked.

"You know," Wendy said, glancing at Stan, "wouldn't it be interesting if Kyle isn't attracted to Heidi at all, but instead, he's developed an attraction for cartman? I mean, it's not too farfetched, right? That would explain so much."

"You know, now that you mention it..." Stan said, looking closely at Kyle.

"You guys have got to be fucking kidding me! Am I really hearing this right now? For real?! Heidi is stuck in a dysfunctional relationship with cartman and you're sitting here speculating about me having the hots for him?"

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Clyde asked, plunking his tray down, Craig, Tweek, and butters following suit.

"Kyle's Stockholm Syndrome," Wendy responded.

"Stockholm Syndrome? I think I got grounded for having that once," butters said, looking worried. "It ain't contagious, is it?" He scooted his chair away from Kyle who was looking increasingly annoyed.

"Isn't that when someone develops a romantic attachment to their kidnapper or something? In order to cope with being held captive?" Craig asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Wendy replied.

"Dude, how'd you know that?" Kyle snapped.

Craig held up his phone. "Google, it's a thing, you know."

"This is insane. Cartman isn't holding me prisoner so this whole conversation is a waste of time." Kyle pushed away his tray in frustration.

"Isn't he, though? You guys are always at each other's throats and he usually comes out on top, no pun intended. I mean, maybe on a subconscious level you've developed a romantic attachment to him in order to, I don't know, survive dealing with him? It's just a thought." Wendy said, shrugging.

"Wow, that would explain so much." Clyde said, staring at Kyle.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?! Look, knock it off, you guys. This is serious! Heidi needs help. Wendy, can you try talking to her, please? Don't rip on her for being with cartman, just get her to tell you why she took him back. Please, can you do that?"

Wendy sighed and looked over at Heidi and cartman, who were sitting by themselves in the corner of the cafeteria, acting as if the rest of the school didn't even exist. "I guess so. I don't know what I can do, though. Heidi hasn't really been hanging out with the girls as much. She's always with him." She turned and looked at Kyle's desperate face. "I'll try. Bebe and I will have a sleepover or something and ill talk to the others so we can change our approach. I'm not making any promises though, okay?"

******

"I guess you can go but I'm seriously not cool with this, Heidi. Your friends really don't get what's between us." Cartman angrily crammed a handful of cookies into his mouth as he watched Heidi pack an overnight bag.

"Eric, I think this is a good thing. I feel like it's been forever since I hung out with my friends and besides, they'll never understand us if I don't give them a chance to." She sat on her bed and looked at Eric. "You know, you could try to show them your nicer side... the side of you I get to see. That would probably really help."

Cartman snorted. "I don't owe those bitches anything. They're going to think what they want. Besides, they're not my problem, you are."

Heidi angrily zipped her bag closed. "I didn't realize I was a problem for you to deal with, Eric. And might I add I wasn't asking for your permission to hang out with my friends. I don't need your okay about anything."

"Christ, you know what I meant and I was just saying that I'm supporting your decision to go. And maybe it would be better if you asked my permission before you went places...i mean, you got tangled up with that Jew rat and that whole pile of bullshit could've been avoided if you'd bothered to check in with me."

"Eric, I was confused, you know that." She sighed and looked at him, her eyes lingering on the cookie in his hand.

"What?"

"I just...i just don't understand why you and Kyle can't just get along. I know you explained to me how his... heritage clouds his judgment and alters how he treats other people, but, your dislike seems to go deeper than that. I mean, you hate him, don't you?"

"Puh, I wouldn't give him that much of my time. I just know his type, end of story. He can't be trusted."

"Eric, why can't you be open about this, about what you're really feeling? I want to know. Why can't you let me in? Kyle always-"

"Kyle always what? Talked about his fucking feelings and had a hand holding session with you? God, I don't want to do this, Heidi. Just go, go to your stupid slumber party and hopefully I'll be around after you're done gossiping with your harpy friends." Cartman crossed his arms, clearly done discussing the subject.

Heidi stood, her bag slung over her shoulder. "Okay, I guess. Do you have any plans?"

"Besides being miserable without you, nothing. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine all alone." He stood up and walked out of her room with a huff. Heidi could only follow behind him, sighing and rolling her eyes.

********

"Okay, girls. What are we going to do first? Pig out or do makeovers?" Wendy called out over the sound of chatter and dance music.

"Why can't we do both?" Bebe answered, and everybody giggled.

"Sounds good to me!" Nicole called out, tearing open a bag of chips and offering them to Red. "Can someone help me with my brows? They're in sad shape."

"I'm on it!" Replied Heidi, grabbing a pair of tweezers from her bag.

"Thanks, girl. Hey, pass those brownies over here." Nicole grabbed a brownie and sank her teeth into it. "Oh, my God. These are heaven."

"My mom made them, aren't they amazing?" Bebe said, taking a brownie from the plate. "So," she continued, glancing at Wendy, "did anyone else hear that the guys are having a sleepover at Jimmy's house tonight?"

"Hey, yeah. I wonder what the boys are up to right now? Probably talking shit about us." Wendy said, rolling her eyes. She opened up a bottle of nail polish and started painting Bebe's toes a garish red. "Who was invited anyway?"

"Eric didn't mention it, but I'm sure he ended up going if everyone else was," Heidi piped up while studying Nicole's eyebrows. "It'll be good for him to see his friends. I mean, as long as Kyle doesn't start anything, of course."

A moment of silence descended over the group, broken only by the sound of lady gaga singing about boys being monsters. Wendy cleared her throat. "How are things going with car- I mean, Eric, anyway, Heids?"

Heidi looked up, her face sober. "They're fine. How are things with Stan?"

Wendy faked a laugh. "Oh, don't get me started on him. It's just, you guys have been so quiet lately. We never see you anymore. Honestly, I was surprised you said you were coming tonight. I was really happy when you showed up."

"Me, too!" Bebe said, smiling encouragingly at Heidi.

"Well, Eric and I have just been spending time together, you know, sorting out our issues. Undoing the damage from Kyle's lies, too." She said, sounding bitter.

"Kyle lied to you? That's terrible. I got the impression that he really cared about you." Red said, smearing a green facial mask on her skin.

"Yeah, that's what he made me think too. I can't say that I blame him," Heidi replied. "I mean, it's just part of his upbringing to twist the truth to suit his needs. Eric filled me in. I just hope Kyle gets the help he needs one day."

Wendy looked around the room at the other girls, her face mirroring their looks of surprise and concern. "Just what did Eric tell you about Kyle, Heidi?"

******

"Okay, fellas, what's on the agenda tonight, huh?" Butters asked, flopping down on his sleeping bag and looking around the room.

"Yeah, why did we suddenly have to have a sleepover? I mean, I see you guys at school all the time. There better be a good reason for this whole male bonding thing." Craig snarked, flipping through a magazine.

"Oh, you're just being a grouch because Tweek is mad at your dumb ass," Token laughed.

"He's not being emotionally available!" Tweek exclaimed, his hands trembling as he clutched a cup of coffee.

"Oh, and like this is really the time and place to broadcast our personal business!" Craig responded, throwing the magazine down.

"Guys! Guys! We're not here to discuss your issues!" Stan stood up, eyeing Tweek and Craig. "Of which there are many, clearly. We're here to support Kyle."

"Oh, God, are we still going on about the cartman and Heidi crap? They're both nuts, can we please talk about something else now?" Clyde groaned, eyes locked on his phone.

"Thanks a lot, Clyde." Kyle said. " It's nice to know I can count on your support."

"The whole thing is just ridiculous," Clyde said. "Heidi wants to be with cartman even though he's made it very clear how terrible he is...i mean, what else can we do? Maybe they belong together."

"I refuse to believe that. This time cartman has really gone too far. We've all seen how he treats her, and now he's filling her head with his racist, hateful rhetoric. We can't just ignore this. Besides, you guys...i really care about her, regardless of the shit cartman has her believing."

"I heard you were into cartman, Kyle," Jimmy said, looking around the room. "You're just focusing on Heidi to avoid your developing attraction or s-something."

"Ah! That would explain so much!" Tweek interjected.

Kyle covered his face with his hands. "Jesus Christ, not this again."

"This isn't helping, you guys." Stan said. "We need to come up with a solution here. I mean, we've all seen the way he treats her, and us standing idly by is not helping to heal the rift between the boys and the girls. Maybe if we can fix this situation, we can actually repair some of the damage that's been done in the past year - to all of us."

The boys looked around at one another, the clock ticking on the wall the only sound in the room.

"Well, what can we do?" Butters asked, breaking the silence. "Every time we try to stop Eric or get in his way, it backfires. And I'm sorry, I am not going to take part in a murder tonight if that is what you guys are thinking of doing. My dad will ground me for 4 years if I kill someone."

"God, we're not going to kill anyone, butters." Kyle groaned.

"Well, I'm all out of ideas then," Craig said, picking up his magazine from the floor.

"Why do we need to do anything? People thrive on drama and attention. Why don't we just ignore the whole thing and eventually it'll explode in their faces and they'll just break up naturally?" Token asked.

"But what if it doesn't? Crappy relationships can go on for years and years, you guys, with no end in sight. I mean, just look at Stan's mom and dad. They're miserable but I don't see them breaking it off any time soon. Christ, they already tried twice and they just ended up back together."

"Dude, Kyle, what the fuck?!" Stan said, staring daggers at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's true. Sometimes people have to be led to the truth because they refuse to see the writing on the wall on their own. We have to convince Heidi that cartman is evil and that he doesn't really care about her."

"That raises an interesting point, fellas. What's Eric's motivation in all of this, anyway? I mean, I think he's proven that he has no capacity for love so why is he holding onto this r-relationship like his life d-d-depends on it? We've all heard him talk about how much she drives him crazy..." Jimmy said.

"Co-dependence, I guess? And now he wants to hold onto her to spite me," Kyle responded, rolling his eyes. "Who can even fathom why cartman does the shit he does? We just need to figure out a solution."

"And murder is completely off the table?" Craig asked.

"I said I'm not murdering anyone tonight! I might help hide the body but I'm not getting grounded, you guys. I refuse." Butters stubbornly crossed his arms.

"Ahhh! This is way too intense, I can't deal with this!" Tweek cried, covering his ears.

"I didn't mean it, hon, I'm only joking," Craig said, putting his arm around him.

"We can't kill Eric if Kyle is secretly in love with him, can we?" Jimmy asked over the sound of Tweek freaking out.

"You really thought asking these idiots for help was a good idea, dude?" Kyle asked, turning to Stan with one eyebrow raised.

"Well...."

******

"He actually said that to you about Kyle? Wow, that's crazy." Wendy said, staring at Heidi.

"Yeah, so you can see why I couldn't continue to see him. Even though..." She trailed off, running a brush through Bebe's hair.

"What?" Bebe asked, glancing over her shoulder at her.

"Well, Kyle and I had a lot of fun together. It made me think of how things used to be with Eric before he changed."

"Eric didn't change, Heidi. The way he's acting now? That's who he really is, you should know that. We've all gone to school with him for how long?" Wendy asked. "If anything, he's just going to get worse."

Heidi put the hairbrush down and sat back, her face flushed and her eyes flashing angrily. "How would you even know, Wendy?" She looked around the room at the other girls. "How would any of you know? Have you guys ever given Eric a chance? Like, a real chance? Or do you already have everything figured out?"

All of the girls looked sheepishly at each other, not sure what to say.

"I also find it interesting that you guys started bashing Eric the first chance you got. Didn't you get your fill when we all went out to dinner? Making me feel stupid for following my heart?" Her voice caught, like she was trying to hold back tears. She swiped a hand across her eyes quickly.

"Heidi, we don't want to make you feel stupid! We care about you and we're just concerned!" Wendy said, standing up. "The way we acted that night at the restaurant wasn't fair but we were just happy to see you happy again. I guess we took it too far..."

"That's an understatement," Heidi responded, sniffling.

"We're not trying to make you feel bad now, either," Wendy continued, "it's just that Kyle said-"

She stopped, her cheeks turning pink. Heidi stared at her, recognition dawning on her face. "What did Kyle say?"

The room was so quiet you could hear Bebe's mom clear her throat somewhere upstairs. Nobody knew what to say.

"Oh, I get it now. Kyle put you up to this. You didn't want to just spend time with me... you wanted to grill me about Eric so you could report back to Kyle. I can't believe this." Heidi was shaking her head, her arms wrapped around herself like she was freezing. "I mean, I can understand Kyle being sneaky like this, but you guys? How could you?" She looked up and now her eyes were wet from unshed tears.

"Heidi, hold on, it's not-" bebe started to say, but Heidi cut her off.

"No, just stop! I've had enough of this. I'm going over to Jimmy's right now to tell Kyle to stay the hell out of my life. I'm so sick of him, of everyone, butting into my relationship with Eric." She grabbed her coat and pulled it on over her pink nightgown, she didn't even bother to zip it up. She jammed her feet into her Uggs and left the basement through the sliding glass door, slamming it closed behind her. The other girls were momentarily startled into inaction at her abrupt departure, until Wendy jumped up and grabbed her own coat.

"Well, we can't just let her go over there alone! Come on, you guys!"

*******

"Hey, dudes. Sorry I'm late. Where's the snacks?" Cartman walked into the room, threw his coat down and proceeded to grab a fist full of chips. "Oh, sick. Salt and vinegar, I hate this kind." He crammed the chips into his mouth anyway, scattering crumbs everywhere.

The other boys watched as he plowed his way through the snack table, smacking his lips and grunting. Stan cleared his throat.

"Cartman, what the hell are you doing?"

Cartman looked up from demolishing a ham sandwich. "Eating? What the hell kind of question is that?"

"He means, what are you doing here?" Kyle asked, glaring at him.

Cartman sneered at him. "What do you mean, asshole? Butters told me there was a sleepover tonight, so..." he trailed off, snatching a cupcake up and licked the frosting along the rim of the wrapper.

Everyone glared at butters, who was smiling obliviously. "Goddammit, Butters." Craig said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Cartman started to look suspicious. "What's going on, you guys?"

"Well, for starters, you weren't invited," Kyle replied.

"Who says? Fuck off, Kyle, this isn't your party and you don't get to decide who's invited, right, you guys?" He looked around for support.

"Oh, okay then. Jimmy?" Kyle asked, glancing over at Jimmy, who looked like he was trying to fade away into the couch.

"Y-yeah?"

"Did you want cartman to come to your sleepover tonight?" Kyle asked, staring cartman down.

"W-w-well, I don't-"

"You see?! Jimmy didn't invite you, cartman! And butters wasn't supposed to tell you we were all meeting up tonight either!" Kyle yelled, getting in cartman's face.

"Oh, grow up, Kyle. You're just pissed that Heidi dumped your ass for me and now you're trying to get everyone on your side! How fucking lame is that?!"

"Ooh, burn," Clyde said.

Kyle gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into fists. "Yeah, because you filled her head with your lies and hate speech. You basically had to brainwash her before she'd even consider going back to you! I think that's pretty fucking lame!"

"Believe what you want, Kyle, but I know the truth. Heidi had plenty to say about you and let me just say, it wasn't flattering." Cartman smirked.

"You son of a bitch," Kyle seethed. "I can understand you going out of your way to screw me over, but why do you seem to get off on treating Heidi like shit? Out of everyone at school she's always been nice to you, always given you a chance, and you go out of your way to make her miserable. Why? What are you trying to prove?" Kyle reached out and grabbed cartman by the front of his shirt. "I could've made Heidi happy - why did you take that away from her if you don't give a damn?!"

His grip on cartman's shirt slackened as he looked away, and when he spoke again his voice trembled slightly. "How does tearing her down benefit you?"

A chilly silence permeated the room as everyone waited for cartman to answer, and Kyle's ragged breaths had started to ease when cartman finally spoke. "Oh, please, Kyle. Fuck off with this knight on a white horse bullshit. You've always tried to fuck me over and what better way than coming between me and Heidi? It could've been anyone, it didn't have to be her so long as you were getting at me."

Kyle stared at him, disbelieving. "You really think that? You think this was about you...? Do you just not want to believe someone could care about Heidi or anyone else, for that matter, without having an ulterior motive? Are you really that selfish and twisted?"

"It's hard to think too highly of a whore who fell for your Jewish double-talk, Kyle. That makes her a cheater and an idiot as far as I'm -"

Kyle's fist connected with cartman's face, cutting him off. Before he could react, Kyle caught cartman's chin with a right hook sending him flying into the snack table, chips and cookies and sandwiches flying everywhere. The punch seemed to release the tension building up in the room, and there was instant pandemonium. Pretty soon everyone was shouting as Kyle wailed on cartman.

"Kyle, dude, calm down!" Stan yelled, trying to pull Kyle back with no success.

"Work his kidneys, Kyle!" Craig chimed in as Tweek huddled at his side, covering his face with his hands.

"You need to block, Eric!" Butters piped up, peeking out from behind the couch.

"F-f-fellas, we all need to keep it down or my folks will come down he-, come down h-h-here!" Jimmy shouted, waving one crutch in the air but no one paid him any mind.

Kenny just sat back, ogling naked girls in a sleazy magazine and laughing when cartman squealed. Clyde was looking over his shoulder periodically but he had the presence of mind to suggest making bets on who would win the fight.

"My money's on Kyle," he said, reaching into his pocket.

"I don't know, cartman might make a comeback," Token mused, pulling out his wallet.

"Oh, for fuck's sakes," Stan said, overhearing them while still trying to pull Kyle off of a furious, screeching cartman.

A knock on the sliding glass door cut through the tumult like a knife through jello, and the room became still, save for cartman's furious shrieks. Heidi was standing there, her long hair whipping around her face and her nightgown plastered against her legs, the wind making her eyes squint. She was hugging herself against the autumn cold. She waved slightly, her face grim.

"Dude, what the hell?" Craig asked.

*****

The stars were sharp points in the sky as she marched over to Jimmy's house, the cold seeping through her night dress and her bare legs prickling as the wind struck them. She shivered but gritted her teeth, determined to finally tell Kyle exactly what she thought of him.

She couldn't believe he was still meddling in her affairs although it seemed completely in line with his character; sneaky and manipulative. It was so like him to drag her friends into this mess as well, using them as weapons against her. At this point she felt like she could only rely on Eric, but even his support was shaky. Really, she felt very alone; alone and sad.

As she came upon Jimmy's house, with its windows illuminated against the chill of the evening and whisps of smoke rising from the chimney, she almost lost her resolve. What was she thinking, crashing a boys' sleepover to have it out with Kyle in the middle of the night? What was she even going to say?

She crept forward slowly, trying to move as quietly as possible. Walking across the lawn she made her way around the house and peered into the sliding glass doors, praying that the boys were in the basement. If they were upstairs there was no way she was going to ring the bell and make a fool of herself in front of Jimmy's parents. Suddenly, she felt incredibly foolish for being so impulsive.

A commotion from inside the house caught her attention. Cupping her hands around her eyes, she leaned in and peered through the sliding glass doors. What she saw going on made her gasp out loud, her heart thudding in her chest.

Eric and Kyle were circling each other while the other boys stood around them, egging them on as they punched and jabbed at one another. Kyle seemed to be landing the most blows, and even with her limited view she could see a line of blood dribbling from the corner of Eric's mouth. The basement was in utter disarray, with food strewn all over the floor.

Frantically, Heidi knocked on the door, no longer shy about making her presence known. She wrapped her arms around herself as a particularly vicious gust of wind assaulted her. She tapped on the glass again when no one responded, too absorbed in the fight. This finally initiated a response, and the boys all turned to stare at her, their eyes wide.

She waved, beseeching them to open the door before she froze to death, the wind blowing her hair around her face. Token, who was closest to the door, slid it open and stood back as she walked inside, suddenly very aware that she was wearing just a night gown and her coat and boots, with practically every boy in her grade staring at her in disbelief. Her eyes came to rest on cartman, and she rushed over to him.

"Eric! Eric, oh my God, are you okay? Your lip is bleeding! And your eye!" Her fingers gently brushed across his eye, which was already beginning to bruise and swell up. She inspected a bloody gash on his arm, her brow furrowed. She looked up and glared at Kyle, who looked away guiltily.

"What the hell is going on here, Kyle? Why are you always picking on Eric, huh? Why are you such a bully?" She snapped. "And why are you all just standing around watching him beat up on Eric? Aren't you his friends?"

"Uh, Heidi, we're guys. We aren't going to break up a fight if we don't have to," Clyde said.

The other guys, save for Eric, Stan, and Kyle, nodded their heads in agreement. Heidi snorted in disgust. "You guys are unbelievable. Babe, can you stand up?" She helped cartman to his feet and brushed him off, as his clothes were covered in errant bits of food from the upended snack table.

"Heidi, if you'd heard the things he was saying about you, you wouldn't be defending him." Kyle said. His hat had been knocked off his head and his red curls were in disarray. His pajama top was torn, too. "He talks about you like you're worthless! Why are you staying with him - You can't be this blind!"

"That's enough, Kyle! Our relationship is none of your business! I can't believe you manipulated my friends into prying into my business so they could report back to you. I dumped you so why can't you stay the hell out of my life?! Maybe you should focus on your own life instead of being so fucking obsessed with Eric. It's sick!"

A sound at the door pulled everyone's attention away. The girls were there, peering into the basement.

"Oh, come on, you guys. My folks are gonna ki- they're gonna k-i-i, my folks are gonna k-i-i-i-ck my ass!" Jimmy said.

"Dude, what the hell is going on?" Stan asked. Token reluctantly went to the door and slid it open, the wind blowing icily into the room as the girls trooped inside, all in their coats and jams, hair disheveled.

"Ugh, I didn't ask them to follow me." Heidi groaned. "Babe, can we just leave?" She asked cartman, her eyes pleading.

"Heidi, no! You have to listen!" Kyle said, pulling his phone from his pocket. "This is the kind of shit cartman says when you aren't around!" He swiped his finger across the screen and suddenly cartman's voice filled the room, calling her a whore and a cheater. Everyone became horribly silent as they all listened to cartman being cartman; an unmitigated asshole.

The recording ended and everyone looked at Heidi, waiting for her to respond, for her to finally see the light. Now was the come to Jesus moment, and practically the entire 4th grade waited with baited breath. Cartman alternated between staring daggers at Kyle and looking at Heidi with huge puppy dog eyes. Heidi's face fixed in a glacial stare, like she'd temporarily stepped out of her own body.

Several moments passed until Heidi cleared her throat. The faraway look disappeared from her face and her eyes narrowed, her teeth gritting in undisguised, naked rage. She walked over to Kyle and stood in front of him, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Before anyone could've guessed what was coming next, she drew back and clocked Kyle right across his face, sending him flying the way he had done to cartman. Everyone stared at her in disbelief.

"Uh, fuck him up, Heidi!" Butters said, somewhat uncertainly.

"Shut the fuck up, butters," she said, not taking her eyes off of Kyle, who seemed dazed as he lay on the floor. "Kyle, stay the fuck out of my business from now on. Seriously. Eric?" She said, still staring at Kyle.

"Y-yes, bunny?" Cartman responded.

"Get your shit and let's go. Now."

She turned on her heel, and stalked through the crowd of kids, everyone parting like the Red Sea. She stopped at the door and turned around, tears bubbling up in the corners of her eyes, her face red. "Fuck all of you guys, I'm going home."

******

The weeks passed after the showdown between Heidi and Kyle, and things more or less continued the same way as before, the boys and girls on awkward, tenuous footing, a thick layer of tension overshadowing the school, and Kyle and cartman at each other's throats, just like always.

Only, things weren't the same, not really. Kyle was quieter, less outspoken in his hatred and disapproval of cartman, but it was undeniably there, simmering in a cauldron that threatened to explode at any time. For a time, cartman flaunted his relationship with Heidi, driving the point home that he had won and Kyle lost. But even that tapered off as everyone noticed heidi's transformation.

Heidi had always been a smart, thoughtful girl, unafraid of standing up for her convictions even when it meant going against the grain of society. She cared about others and the world around her, and was a dedicated, serious student always willing to get involved and help out. But now, she was changing as the weeks wore on, and she seemed to be sinking into a mire of simmering, unprovoked rage and hostility that could erupt at any time and with very little or no provocation.

The boys, sans cartman, were hanging out one afternoon early in December when someone spoke up timidly.

"Hey, you guys, has anyone noticed that Heidi has, well, changed a little? Or am I just imagining things?" Token asked, sitting in a swing and tracing patterns in the slushy snow with one boot.

The guys all exchanged glances, not sure what to say. It was a Saturday and everyone had met up at the school playground. It was cold but not frigid like it normally was, and they had kicked around the idea of going to the movies or Starks pond but they hadn't agreed on anything yet. Stan was tossing a football from hand to hand as Kyle leaned on the jungle gym, not saying much.

"By changed do you mean she's gotten fat and become a major bitch? If so, yeah, I've totally noticed," Craig said, reading a comic book. Tweek sat next to him, sipping coffee and reading over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it when she swallowed all those water bears, fellas. Me and Tim Tim worked really hard on that experiment," Jimmy piped up. "She's worse than cartman these days."

"Timmy!" Timmy said, nodding solemnly.

Stan glanced at Kyle, checking for his reaction. He just looked really sad, peering down at his shoes, his hands jammed in his pockets. "She's clearly being negatively influenced by cartman. I mean, who wouldn't be miserable being with him? She's probably picking up his bad habits and eating too much to cope."

"Yeah, but why does she need to be a giant bitch, too?" Butters asked angrily. "The other day she knocked all my books down the stairs and farted on me when I leaned down to pick them up." He kicked at a rock angrily.

"I just want to know how she's gotten so fat if she's vegan? Doesn't she just eat plants and crap?" Clyde asked.

Kyle heaved a sigh and everyone stared at him. "Don't be a dumb ass, Clyde. Just because she's vegan doesn't mean she can't eat way too much. Remember how everyone made a huge deal about Oreos being vegan?" He glared at the group. "Everyone needs to quit talking shit about Heidi. I mean, God, can you just imagine how she feels right now? She's basically ruined her life and for what? Cartman? Jesus Christ, she must feel like shit all the time!"

******

 

"Ugh, nothing fucking fits! This is so annoying!" Heidi groaned, rooting through her closet and throwing items of clothing every which way. She looked longingly at the dress she wore last year to her family's annual Christmas party and sighed.

"Babe, doesn't the party start in like half an hour or something?" Cartman asked. He was sitting on her bed flipping through a magazine. He looked up in alarm when she came stomping out of her closet.

"Are you giving me crap for running late again? Huh? Because I don't need your snide little comments right now, okay? I've tried on everything in my goddamn closet and nothing fits! I'm about to say fuck it and just not go!" She sat down heavily on the bed, making cartman raise up on his side of the mattress.

"Why can't you just wear what you wore to schoo' the other day?" He asked.

She turned on him, eyes narrowing. " Really? My schoo' clothes? My fat pants and jumbo sized sweater? This is a fucking party, ass wipe. I have to wear a dress!"

"Well, I told you I'd go shopping with you to find something but you never wanted to go!" Cartman snapped.

"Well, excuse me if I didn't fucking feel like going to Ross Dress for Less after spending a whole day at schoo'! God, you are so fucking aggravating!"

"I was trying to be supportive the way you wanted! It's not my fault that you gained-" he stopped, slapping his hand over his mouth.

Heidi seemed to puff up to twice her size, and considering her recent weight gain that made her seem quite formidable indeed.

"What was that, Eric? Was there something you wanted to say?" She asked, softly. Turning to look at him, Eric squeaked a little when he saw the almost demonic sparkle in her eyes.

"Uh, nothing. Nothing! You look great, babe; never better, actually." He turned back to the magazine but he could feel her continuing to stare at him.

"You know, I think it's funny that guys can look like flaming trash cans of shit and it's just fine, but if a woman," she paused as she slammed her hand down on the side table, making Cartman jump. "But if a woman gains a few pounds it's a fucking federal offense." Heidi ripped the magazine out of Cartman's hands and he cowered.

"Is that your mentality, Eric? Are you going to sit there and tell me it's okay for you to look the way you do, but it's not okay for me to look like this?" Heidi spread her arms wide, waiting for him to answer.

"I, uh, you look fine, Heidi. I mean," he paused. "Hey, just what the hell is that supposed to mean? The way I look? Are you saying I look like a trash can of shit?"

"If the shoe fits," she said, breezily, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Now, look, I've had more than enough of your attitude the past few weeks," Cartman seethed. "You need to watch it!"

"No, you need to watch it, Eric," Heidi replied, her eyes narrowing. "I've put up with a lot of crap because of you, and now it's your turn." She cracked her knuckles. "You saw what I did to Kyle. Do you really want to cross me?"

"W-well, no, I mean-"

"Then shut up." She turned away and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. For a moment she felt a pang of horror when she saw herself; saw what she'd become. Not just on the outside but on the inside too, but she waved it away. Sometimes she felt like she'd already gone too far down the rabbit hole, so what was the point of lamenting her situation? For a moment, Kyle passed through her mind and she felt a wave of sadness along with the horror. She knew he was evil and conniving but she couldn't help but miss his unwavering support, his clear, logical way of looking at the world. Heidi couldn't help but feel a little healthier during the time they spent together and sometimes she really missed it; missed him. She waved these feelings away too.

Besides, wasn't it already too late anyway? For everything?


End file.
